Mka Ross, Therapist & Relationship Coach

What if every ounce of frustration, irritation, and anger you feel is about YOU having a lack of boundary or standard? , Mika Don’t curse at me!! I know it’s hard to hear. But... I would emphatically suggest you stop waiting for other people’s behavior to change so that you can feel better. ... Create CLEAR standards for yourself like, If you want to interact with me you have to be kind and respectful. When I started doing this for myself I began complaining about other people a whole lot less. I had a relative tell me, I just don’t know how to talk to you anymore; you’re just so PICKY about how I talk to you. I said, [Relative] , I have the same expectations of you as I do everyone else on the planet. I expect you to be kind and respectful. If that makes me picky, then I guess that’s what I am . Silence. I didn’t explain. I didn’t defend. I simply upheld my standard by being clear (again) about my boundary. Here’s my line. It’s not up for discussion or debate. Awkward silence. Tomorrow night in the wellMAMA Moms’ Group I’m building a case for the discomfort that keeps many of us from making necessary boundaries and the avoidance of has us feeling like resentful batteries that need to be charged.... If you’re a mom and wanna join us tomorrow is the LAST DAY you can. Link in bio @mikaross or www.mikaross.com/wellMAMA. If you’re not a mom and want this info, I guess you could gift a ticket to a mom you know and ask for the recap #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes #marriage #marriagegoals #boundaries #healthyboundaries #motherhood #momquotes #raisingboys #raisingkids #momboss #raisinggirls #parentingmemes #parenthood #momlife #momofboys #momofgirls #momsbelike #momlife #momquotes #momthesedays #momstruggles #momminainteasy #momproblems #mom #moms #momsofinstagram #mompreneur #workingmom #sahm

Criticism is relationally damaging. Period. Your good intention doesn’t keep it from scarring the relationship. There have been studies that can predict divorce with up to a 93% success rate that look at couples’ interactions for 4 things and CRITICISM is numero uno.... But criticism’s destruction reaches FAR beyond marriages. Check out my stories to see the COMPILATION of critical comments #moms say they fielded when they were new to the gig. Wow There are ways to be helpful, to express needs, wants, and feelings that DON’T involve criticism. BUT before we get to that, the #1 thing I think people don’t understand is ALL THE THINGS under the criticism umbrella. I HAD NOOOO IDEA so many things were criticism!!! And when I learned, the reactions I was getting...and MY WHOLE DANG LIFE, made way more sense. And, for one last shameless plug, I’ll be dissecting ALLLLL of this in our wellMAMA workshop tonight on HOW TO NOT GET STUCK IN COMMUNICATION QUICKSAND 7pm CST. Replays available. It’s not too late to sign up. Link in bio #moms #imomsohard #momlife #momminainteasy #momsofgirls #momsofboys #happy #instagood #motherhood #momquotes #raisingboys #raisingkids #momstruggles #momproblems #momsofinstagram #mompreneur #workingmom #sahm

This week in Moms’ Group we’re addressing Communication and Conflict 101. This is ALWAYS the first moms’ group meeting topic in wellMAMA because we don’t love ourselves in a vacuum. We love ourselves in relationship with others. Who knew communication was so exciting?!... I find that most people tend to communicate about about wants and needs when it’s too late; when they’re an 8, 9, or 10 on the irritation/frustration/anger scale... THEN they get met with resistance and defensiveness and conclude, SEE communicating about it doesn’t work either, or, My parter is a jerk, or, I’m not a priority, or an intense combo of all 3. They go back to sweeping their own wants and needs under the rug and attempting to manage their unmanageable and growing resentment, There’s something wrong with me...I shouldn’t be feeling the way I’m feeling. Contain. Manage. Control. Squeeze yourself back in the box. I see SO MUCH of emotional wellness tied to the ability to effectively communicate wants and needs. It’s just that most of us, myself definitely included, didn’t grow up with great models ...and it for sure doesn’t make for interesting TV. Most of what it takes to love yourself out loud I found to be incredibly counterintuitive (like this meme above) but once it clicked, incredibly freeing. for more meaningful self care for moms, join us for 6 weeks of Moms’ Groups in wellMAMA Virtual Workshop + Community :) Link in bio @mikaross or at www.mikaross.com/wellMAMA ##motherhood #momquotes #raisingboys #raisingkids #momboss #raisinggirls #parentingmemes #parenthood #momlife #momofboys #momofgirls #momsbelike #momlife #momquotes #momthesedays #momstruggles #momminainteasy #momproblems #mom #moms #momsofinstagram #mompreneur #workingmom #sahm #conflict #communication

Mamas! Ahhhh, in-person events. I miss those HUGS!!! And what a TIME WE LIVE IN!! The pandemic forced us to get creative with the wellMAMA Workshop in a time when moms were being disproportionately impacted by the pandemic. I couldn’t hear one more time in my practice, My life has changed a ton and his hasn’t changed at all, and not do anything about it. ... Moms need more meaningful self-care and support...especially NOW. I had NO IDEA how much I would love wellMAMA Virtual Workshop + Community. I worried we wouldn’t connect. I worried moms wouldn’t commit to creating the space for the weekly Moms’ Groups and I’d be talking to myself in a Zoom about communication and sex drive (and way more) I worried the women wouldn’t participate vulnerably, share struggles, and reach out for support. I worried we just couldn’t replicate the magic that happens when you let yourself be held by a literal circle of women. Mama, I am so glad I was dead wrong. We have moms from ALL OVER participating and it’s like MY MOST FAVORITE THING I DO!!! I watching the magic unfold, the light bulbs go on, the shifts happen, positive vibes increase, the connection increase, and my most favorite thing is being able to see, in every comment on the secret FB Group, women (who are now like-minded) supporting each other Curating the wellMAMA Virtual Workshop and Community has been all my pleasure. I hope you’ll join the over 400 of us for our next session that starts next week link in bio shortly @mikaross or at www.mikaross.com/wellMAMA

What’s fair looks different in every household...so figuring it out can be a little hairy. It was hairy for us for about 4 years after our first child was born and figuring out what feels fair is a never-ending process not a one-time conversation. With my clients, I have them start the clear convo by making lists of absolutely everything they do for the household and family in a day, week, month, and year. ... I’m talking as big as taxes...and as small as clipping kids’ toenails. Make this list over a week’s time, not in one sitting. I find that *invisible to-do lists* tend to be a mom’s superpower AND her kryptonite. Be sure to include those things too...like researching what the baby can eat and when she can eat it, making sure everyone’s up-to-date on Drs appts, etc. THEN schedule the time and the place to have a clear conversation about who does what. We cannot create change without a whole lot of clarity For lots more info and LOADS of next-best-steps join over 400 of us in wellMAMA Virtual Workshop + Community Our next session starts next week!!!!! Link in bio @mikaross or at www.mikaross.com/wellMAMA

Sheeee looks familiar

Wow. I stumbled upon this post from almost 5 years ago wellMAMA has been a long time in the making Thanks for coming with me on this wild ride We have grown to over 200 wellMAMAS this round!! I’m so honored to have this many people letting me in their lives and hearts www.mikaross.com/wellMAMA

the babbling blondes just posted this about wellMAMA!!! Second virtual session starts THURSDAY! coupon code below Mom friends- listen up! Last year we met with Mika Ross, Therapist & Relatiinship Coach and attended her wellMAMA workshop! ... This year the wellMAMA workshop is going virtual- with so many extra perks! moms outside of STL can join online 6 weeks of workshops with different topics private fb group to chat tons of content to dig into If you are thinking, I don’t need a mom workshop, read this.... So many of us have the same complaints- feelings of overwhelm, not feeling like a priority, feeling like we're not enough, wondering if we're selfish... You're asking questions like, "Is there something wrong with me?", "How can I get him to SEE the dishes?" and "How can I get what I need without yelling about it?" You feel alone, disconnected, and like it's hard to remember who you used to be, but you're pretty sure you used to laugh more. You say things like, "Why do I have to tell you what to do, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KNOW?!" We have a code for $20 off your ticket : TBBMAMA Find all the workshop details below! https://www.mikaross.com/store/p19/wellmama.html

Well, that was (for sure) my weirdest year yet. In all honesty, my year got weird a few weeks before the pandemic. I did a live event that had so many technological and logistical issues it totally flustered me while leading the workshop...and I don’t fluster. For a while, thinking about it made me sweaty. It was, for me, a cringe-worthy performance. ... And, because I care ridiculously about the attendees’ experience, I came home and recorded a virtual version of the workshop, plopped it in an online course format, and sent access to every attendee the next day. I’ve had online courses for couples for years, so I was able to onlineify this workshop in no time. And it turns out this is exactly what people needed during the pandemic. I’ve done more corporate speaking this year than I ever have (in pajama pants). I’ve had more people attend (albeit virtually) workshops than ever before, and I’ve had more views, and likes, and shares of content on social media. I seriously just realized that in 2020 I helped, supported, and empowered more people than I ever have before thanks to the one-to-many side of my business moving exclusively online. Huh And now I’m afraid if I feel too good about that, I’ll be basically asking for another 2020...So don’t worry; I’ll be cautiously, mildly proud about it for like 5 minutes and reserve the rest of the for when things loosen up a little bit NOBODY claim 2021 as their year! We’re gonna walk in real slow and DON’T. TOUCH! ANYTHING!! P.S. - I realize that to have the luxury of seeing any silver lining in 2020 you have to have enough supports in place, your basic needs met, and you can’t be drowning in grief... and 2020 has been cruel to so many. If this is you, I will join you in kicking 2020 right in the teeth. And let us know what you need. I, for sure, have something for you #topnine

To All The Moms Of An Infant And A Toddler, I see you. You’re doing more than any one human should and simultaneously feeling guilt and shame about not doing more.... You’re probably beating yourself up for not smiling more, not being more positive, not feeling more blessed, and that time you lashed out on your loved one earlier this week... and earlier today, and 5 minutes ago. You’re trapped by naps and meltdowns, or choosing to screw the schedule for the price of a meltdown, because hey... these days it seems like meltdowns are inevitable anyway. You don’t seem to ever check anything off of your never-ending to-do list, yet there hasn’t been a moment today you have stopped moving, or holding, or swaying, or bouncing, or wiping, or worrying. ....read more of my @huffpost article below

Early pricing ends today ($47 vs. $75). Next session starts January 7th www.mikaross.com/wellmama Join us! Over 100 like-minded wellMAMA's signed up already!!

wellMAMA Virtual Workshop + Community is here to stay. After wellMAMA live went bananas last February (2 weeks before the world changed) and grew to 150+ attendees, our plan was to KEEP DOING IT here, there, and everywhere. Needless to say, the mission: TAKE THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD was postponed. Now, I can't look at this picture without thinking about ALL. THE. GERMS. And, I slowly started to realize that this pandemic has disproportionately impacted moms. I hear women in sess...ion say often, "My life has changed a ton, and his hasn't changed at all." I believe our new circumstances have put a magnifying glass on some already-there and insidious marriage, family, and mama issues. After realizing this, and that the wellMAMA workshop addresses EVERY ONE OF THESE ISSUES, I adapted the whole dang thing to a virtual event with SO many bonuses it makes the price tag seem ridiculous. Our second round starts January 7th and the virtual event is on sale currently for $47 til Friday. This price tag is possible because of the number of you signing up. Keep 'em coming. Tell your friends. Mamas need more meaningful self-care and support...especially now. Link in bio on IG @mikaross OR www.mikaross.com/wellmama

My Wednesday afternoons. JFC. Sound ON.

If it were this easy, we’d all be a bunch of deliriously happy laughing hyenas. It is simple, but it’s not easy...and often requires focusing on, and doing and saying things that feel completely counterintuitive. And all the research on change and well-being says you’re likely not going to berate or toxic-positivity your way into feeling better. At least not in a sustainable kind of way. ... The amount of BS, not research-based mental wellness advice I see on social media is horrifying. If it’s SHOULDING it’s toxic. If it calls unconditionally loving yourself BS, it’s flagrantly going against an overwhelming amount of research on well-being, motivation, change, and even leadership. If it insinuates there’s something wrong with you or you shouldn’t be feeling the way you’re feeling it’s SHAME inducing, and don’t even get me started on all of the icky things shame’s associated with (depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders...to name a few) What I’m trying to say is, I hope you censor what’s going into your brain and eyeballs. You’ll likely know if it’s for you AND worthy of you giving it validity if it 1 FEELS GOOD TO HEAR!, 2 Simultaneously feels good and uncomfortablelike, oh, damn. I do that , or 3 IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY TO A 4-YEAR OLD that’s feeling the way you’re feeling (Happiness is a choice! See how that doesn’t hold up here???) If it doesn’t fit into these categories, it might be adding to the pile of ammunition your self-critic has been amassing for years. Lovingly put him/her in timeout. #wellbeing #instagood #happy #love #selflove #selfcare #youareenough #bs #happinessquotes #happinessisachoice #momlife #stl #stlouis #nashville #chicago #la #phoenix #phx #cali #wellness #therapy #therapistsofinstagram #therapist

Literally no one: Me: How do I create enjoyable + relatable corporate wellness workshops for people who generally despise wellness workshops? Easy, I imagine my husband in the audience

Feeing like you’re a failure, like you’re not enough, like there’s something wrong with you, or like you’re not important??

Thanksgiving used to be a terrible day for me. As a kid, we lived STATES away from any extended family so we mostly spent it alone. That looked like me and my parents' dysfunctional and tension-filled, snipping, snapping, grumbling, not-talking marriage for the day and NO FRIENDS. Days I couldn't play with friends made my heart sink; they were dreadful in a way that's hard to explain.... Most days, I was knocking on doors at 10am and I would run our 100-house neighborhood until the street lights came on...at which point I would run home, report location, and ask for more outside time. Let the Ghost in the Graveyard begin. In many ways, my neighborhood friends were my siblings; they were my family. There were years when not having enough *plans*, being sick (anything that meant I couldn't leave the house), and Holidays would trigger a deep sense of dread and unworthiness in me that my husband had no idea how to deal with...or even where it came from. I'm not sure when I realized I'm not alone anymore, but it's been more recent than one would logically think. And on this Thanksgiving with *no plans* and just my immediate family, I'm realizing how not-dreadful I feel and how grateful I am for these 5 (Cowboy included). I don't just love them, I really really like them. My family being my friends might be the thing I'm most grateful for this year Lisa Meyer Photography dress from Rent The Runway P.S. - Feeling less like friends and more like enemies? Free Training for Busy Couples at www.mikaross.com/training #thanks #grateful #gratefulheart #family #corona #2020 #mom #momlife #stlouis #stl #stlmom #stlmoms #momofboys #momofgirls #photography #getyourhappyback

She didn’t think they would make it. She confessed in our individual session she was ready to be done. They had been icy and barely speaking for months. Not being sure in your relationship is an energy drain and impacts every other part of your life. It can be an expensive problem to have. After meeting with them a few times I suggested an online program (the Conflict Sucks Course) I have that costs less than the first session with me. ... So often what people perceive as *compatibility issues* or *there’s something wrong with him* issues my brain X-rays and can clearly see the communication issues underneath. Self-worth issues that could be cleared up by assuming less and checking things out more, family of origin issues and patterns people are unconsciously dragging around like 500 lb weights that could be unraveled with some awareness and talking about that lens you’re seeing things through, feelings of not mattering or not being a priority that could vanish by making yourself one and clearly stating needs and wants with boundaries < all communication. So...after many live workshops and 1000s of counseling sessions I took the things that I tend to say on repeat and put them into an online course for the masses. It might save you from hours of extensive therapy (like it may have these people), it might be a really great place to start before you head to therapy, and it will definitely have you thinking about conflict and communication differently even if you’re in a not-so-bad place. This is available to EVERYBODY: not just my clients. Link in bio @mikaross or online at www.mikaross.com/conflict-online